The Epiphany

I’ve had an epiphany. It can be difficult to explain your feelings on a topic when every chance you have to discuss it is used as a springboard for comedy. As any comedian will tell you, there are few topics more ripe for dissection and laughs than opposite sex interaction. Therefore, almost every time this topic has come up, it has been laced with some sort of entertainment value. When people occassionally ask why I don’t have a girlfriend, it’s ridiculously hard to answer the question honestly, as there are hundreds of comedic comments that could be used to respond just waiting to burst out. The truth is, if I had to answer like a normal person, I wouldn’t even know what the actual answer would be anyone. I seem to always find myself banging my head against the way things work in general. Anyone even mildly familiar with my fb page or songs or writings knows the angst over not getting girls is an overused topic. However, beyond the misuse of a 7th grade level self-pity which I seem to have an artistic fetish for, what I’ve realized is that I genuinley despise the way these boy/girl interactions work.

“First off, you never let on how much you like a girl” – Fast Times on Ridgemont High. This sentence could also sum up much of the entire rolodex of interactions. It’s a game of playing your cards close to your chest and always projecting an image of cool, being relaxed and taking things easy. Anyone with half a brain will tell that telegraping too much interest too soon is a kiss of death. Therefore, you tiptoe around to control the knee jerk feelings that go with these interactions. I believe this goes against the natural concept of meeting someone in general. There are few things more exciting to me than actually finding a girl who drags me out of my passive apathy, and although the lack of experience probably adds to my joyful reactions to females, I’m sure most of our species would agree that it’s one of the most exciting things that can happen.

I have no interest in being slick or cool or laid back. If I’m actually making any kind of effort towards you, you’ve already won. You have my interest and now nothing in the whole world sounds more fun to me than pouring attention on you with the pure honesty of a preschooler handing out heart cookies on Valentines Day. I just met you yesterday, but Il like you, so I want to right you a poem and hand it to you with a smile on my face that looks like I’m rolling on ecstasy. To hold this back because of our social rules, is to deny a joy as great and natural as laughing at a funny joke.

And so I see now, there’s nothing wrong with me. I get how this whole game works down to every last detail. I simply WANT to be the guy who’s too interested because it’s more fun, because it’s more pure, because it’s my pathetically self righteous middle finger to the sickeningly bullshit of spitting game, something that causes me to think of us like brainless animals, robbing our brains of their power by being slaves to instinct. Yes, this is overdramatic but so am I. Ladies, I’m Jason, and I’ll always be way too into you. (It’s too damn fun).