I can’t go into Barnes & Nobles anymore. It drives me mad. First I end up at the magazine rack, and I skim over the covers and a few articles and feel insanely jealous and inspired at the same time. I feel like I need to be on the cover of a magazine more than anything else in this world so I back off before I vomit. Then I start looking at books, and I’m swooning right there in the aisle, lost, gone from the world, so in love with the idea of written word in general, desperate to read everything I pick up, flipping shit when the back cover description seems to hit that sweet spot and my radar that never steers me wrong tells me ‘You need to read this.’ I’ll read descriptions of these writers’ work and realize more and more my place in this world. All this endless analysis inside my head, all this feeling different from a hatred of the way things are, and it turns out I’m not different at all – I just hadn’t found my club yet. Bukowski and Nietzsche, I’m just barely skimming the surface of their work and I’m so helplessly in love, so hungry for their thoughts, so eager to read everything they’ve ever done. The book store leaves me drowning in inspiration, lusting after knowledge and leaving my mark, and filled with a burning hatred for Nooks and Kindles. Gorgeous.
I am convinced that females are not truly aware of what they mean to the male gender. It probably sounds like an idiotic statement. I’m sure any halfway pretty girl who’s been tormented by us with idiotic, thinly veiled statements of lust since her chest popped out in sixth grade would beg to differ. I’m also certain that a lot of females would argue that both genders are human, and that they could relate to the importance of wanting attention from the opposite sex. In my heart, I will never believe it’s true.
Allow me to digress for a second. I have often studied game with a rabid interest, the sociologist in me drooling more than the horny guy ever would, and I understand why things are the way they are. This is all just evolutionary. Beat your chest and prove yourself to be strong and confident to the females who need someone who’s competent and dominant enough to protect her and her offspring. Basic stuff, but that’s looking at us as animals.
As a human, and most likely this is just the artist in me talking, the one thing I’ve always despised is the idea that you’re supposed to be laid back, slick, and collected when approaching a girl you’re interested in. COMPETENCE SHOULD NEVER BE PART OF THE EQUATION. Much like well written prose, a good song, or a perfect summer night, I believe an attractive women should drive you utterly mad. There should be absolutely nothing composed about your interaction with her. You should lurch up to her like a crack fiend zombie, extend your shaking arm with a crumpled piece of paper in it and say, “Here, I wrote you a poem.”
“Why?” she may ask.
“Because you tied your hair up today and you looked so goddamn good that writing this shitty 7th grade level poem about how it made me feel was all I could do to keep from putting a shotgun in my mouth and blowing my brains all over the wall from the thought of not being able to have you.”
Gorgeous hyperbole should always leak from the mouth of the smitten. Otherwise what’s the point? But as I said, I digress, wildly. I just wanted to illustrate my unhappiness with the way things are to bring me to the next point: you females mean absolutely everything to us.
It’s not going to be the way I’ve described above for most guys, but the core feeling is exactly the same. Our gender relies on yours to justify us as human beings. The transformative powers of what’s in your heads and in between your legs is stupefying, and, while I’m sure some might disagree, we can give you nothing that even comes close to the kind of validation we get from you.
I was remembering a conversation I had once with a friend who was complaining about not getting any, to which my reply was, “Why don’t you just jerk off?” He scoffed saying, “No I’m not going to fucking jerk off. I want some pussy.” The dismissal in his voice was hilarious to me. The end result is exactly the same: you need that semen to come out just so you can think straight. Relief is relief. But while I’m certain his argument would have been how much better it would feel, I believe what would be laying below that is the need to say, “Yes! I got an actual women to be with me! I am competent!”
After all, evolutionarily speaking, that’s all males are here for. It’s our entire purpose. But on a more human level, what’s interesting to me is the undeniable nature of what getting girls will do to a guy’s self-esteem and confidence. I’ve been there to watch a couple of my friends’ glee as they slowly learned the ropes and turned into ladies men. I’ve seen how it changes them. The joy they feel is so honest and transparent that it’s almost pathetic in a way (and endearing in another).
I’ve been and been around sexless nerds my whole life. I CAN SMELL THE DIFFERENCE COMING OFF THE GUYS WHO FUCK REGULARLY. I can literally pick up on it immediately, and so can the girls who look at them differently. I can tell the difference in the way they walk, talk, carry themselves. The funny thing is, it CAN’T NOT WORK. It’s the answer to everything for guys.
Take the worst case introverted, shy, nerdy geek ever and pay a bunch of hot girls to fawn over him and fuck him and you will see instant results in what he thinks about himself. No other technique will work this well or this fast. It will work on the most pathetic of guys.
IT WORKED ON ME FOR CHRIST’S SAKE.
Although I hit a sweet spot where for whatever reason I was shining as the cocky asshole, it was finally getting regular sex that pushed me over the edge. I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back it’s incredible to see how different I was. The girl that I’ve oft ranted about on here asked me to be her boyfriend and I told her I didn’t want to be in a relationship. If you’ve read most of my posts about her, let that sentence really sink in.
Any guy, regardless of what their particular personality is, will react that way if you give them a bunch of female attention. “No, I don’t want to be tied down to someone! A lot of girls are into me and I FEEL LIKE I’M THE SHIT!”
As is probably a theme with a lot of my posts, I’m sure a lot of people, especially guys, will read all this and go, “No shit, moron.” But my point is this: females are EVERYTHING to males.
The fact that this is set up to be a man’s world, dripping with misogyny, is surely a sign of the collective, submerged terror of all men knowing the truth: a man’s self-esteem can never truly grow wings without the help of a woman, and anyone who says differently is lying to themselves. One day we will all meet a girl who makes you understand why you get down on your knees to propose, practically begging her to stay by your side for eternity.
So I know it can be scary out there girls, but just remember: you hold ALL of the power. If you don’t believe me, go flirt with a sexless loser, batting your lashes and twirling your hair at them, and see if you can’t actually see the smoke as their gears begin to clank and crash and set loose the genes that make a male feel validated enough to be a man.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go write some rap songs that are horribly demeaning towards women to try and deal with my jaw-dropping feelings of inadequacy. Hey, it worked for Eminem…