The Artistic Urge sits on a chair, body bulky and muscled, lazily lolling his head in distant contemplation. Jason enters the room, timidly closing the door and approaching him. His appearance is gaunt.
“Hey man,” Jason mumbles, “I thought we could talk.”
The Urge is bored already and slowly turns his head towards him. “Uh huh. What about?”
“Well, I was just wondering…” He trails off, trying to find the words. “Is it possible that you could stop taking such an intense interest in my lack of…um…”
“Fucking? Dating? Romance? Significant others? Which one is it this time?!” The Urge barks out.
“Well, yes. All of those.”
The Urge exhales frustration. He speaks his next words with the tired nature of a man constantly repeating himself. “What did I tell you back in 7th grade?”
Jason looks at the ground.
“What did I tell you?!” His voice is gruff now, but still not at the full level of intensity that it has been known to reach.
“Not fucking is my gimmick,” Jason says softly.
“What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you.”
“Not fucking is my gimmick.”
“Yes, yes it is. That’s the sweet spot right there. And you know your only job is to get me to the sweet spot.”
“I know, but it’s just that you’re so obsessive in your interest over it, and I feel like it’s all that’s on my brain now. I’m just focusing on it too much and I feel like it’s sending out all these negative vibes. I mean, you keep telling me to write about it on facebook…”
“And you will continue to!”
“Everyone I know is on there!”
“Yes, and that’s the point! That’s what’s going to make you different! What is our mantra?”
“I don’t want to-”
“What the fuck is our mantra?!” The intensity in The Urge’s voice is rising now, the submissive and horrified nature of Jason increasing.
“The antithesis of humanity.”
“That’s right! Every goddamn human on this planet is about presenting an appealing version of themselves! That’s how this whole fucking world works! That’s how this species SURVIVES! Confidence, appearing competent, knowing how to play the game, that’s what makes this despicable planet TURN! How can you hope to set yourself apart as much as you desire-”
“As much as YOU desire!”
“Oh I’m sorry, did you not tell me constantly that you wanted to be a great, legendary artist?! Don’t ever interrupt me! Now, how can you hope to set yourself apart if you’re out there presenting an appealing facade as opposed to dragging your most pathetic qualities out onto full display in a public forum? I’m open to other suggestions if you have any.”
“Talent?” Jason offers hopefully.
The Urge scoffs. “Talent is nothing without an iron-clad commitment to being different.”
“I don’t even feel human anymore! I don’t know what’s happening to my personality! It feels muted because of the way you force me to look at things!”
“That’s because I’m getting stronger! For the last time, you are not supposed to be human! Need I remind you of what happened when the human side started winning? Hmm? Need I remind you of that? What did you tell me when you were laying next to her in bed, oh so content? What was your choice of words again? Didn’t you tell me to quote, ‘fuck off’? Was that it?!”
“I was happy for once.”
“You abandoned me to lay there in your sickening glee! You couldn’t have cared less if you ever used me again! Oh, how glad I was when she left! Then I could really sink the claws in, truly take over with full time hours! I don’t know why you’re complaining to me now, we both know you haven’t truly felt human since she left.”
“That’s old news. I thought it might be nice to find someone else at this point and-”
“And what? Become lazily, happily, dopey and complacent again?! Huh? Put me on the back burner again and deny our very destiny?! You know why you’re here!”
“Look, maybe I could do both. If you would just back off a little from constantly telling me to be so raw-”
“I WILL NEVER BACK OFF OF TELLING YOU TO BE RAW! DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU WILL DIG DEEPER AND DEEPER UNTIL YOU ARE COMPLETELY EXPOSED TO EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET! YOU WILL ALWAYS TURN YOUR GUTS INSIDE OUT WHEN YOU’RE WITH ME!”
Jason attempts not to cower in the intensity of his clearly stronger side. The Urge gets up off the seat and walks toward him menacingly.
“You defiant little faggot you listen to me and you listen to me good. I don’t give a fuck about what plans you have for your human side because I want your human side dead and gone! There is nothing human about what we’re trying to achieve! So you take whatever little fantasies you have about romance, normality, peace, playing house, whatever it may be, and you bury them! You are of no use to me like that. I need you weak, crippled, tap dancing along the edge of madness, hopelessly devoted to an ideal that would make normal people scream in terror!”
He feels the need to scream but suppresses it, listening helplessly.
“I told you not to give away your virginity because it was the main focus of my plan for you! I’ve seen the slavish devotion and lust with which this species chases physical love and therefore knew the confusion with which they’d approach your lack of it! It would have been priceless! Look at you! You’re gorgeous!”
Jason blushes, despite himself. “Well, gee, thanks,” he sheepishly mumbles.
“Shut up! Imagine how this world will react to you in a position of fame, looking like this, and still not getting any! THAT I can sell! Remember Britney Spears?”
“OK, look, you did not just drop a Britney Spears reference in the middle of this-”
“Silence! Her virginity gimmick was golden, as much as I never respected her music! That was what I wanted for you. Now I have to keep you as celibate as possible, to maintain the proper balance of weirdness and odd marketability!”
“You’re insane! What the fuck kind of artistic plan is that? Look, I’m dead all over lately! Too inside my own head because you always instruct me to break things down, over and over again! I can’t remember the last time I just lived and didn’t over-analyze! Remember how much I soared with some confidence and female attention? Remember that? It will probably help the art too! C’mon man, I can’t take this! Let me shine again!”
The Urge lunges forward, grabbing Jason by the neck and putting him up against the wall.
“I’m going to tell you this one last time, alright? Don’t act like I don’t know you! Don’t act like you’re not falling all over yourself because of the misanthropic nature of Bukowski’s work that I guided you to discover! I know what you like, I know what you are, and I know what the sweet spot is! You have comedian blood and you must always bathe in self-deprecation! I am not granting you any relief! You have already greatly angered me by even bringing this up!”
The Urge’s eyes now bulge with redness and hell fire.
“NOW YOU GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND YOU GO WRITE SOME LENGTHY PHILOSOPHICAL BULLSHIT ABOUT HOW YOU CAN’T GET LAID! I WANT YOU TO FEEL FUCKING EMBARRASSED AFTER HITTING ‘POST’! AND IF YOU COME AT ME LIKE THIS AGAIN, I WILL MAKE IT RAIN INTROVERSION AND SELF-DOUBT IN FUCKING SPADES ANY TIME A FEMALE COMES WITHIN TWENTY FEET OF YOU! ARE WE UNDERSTOOD?!”
Jason, tearful, spent, and defeated, puffs through wheezed breaths and, feeling the sting of submission that has become so commonplace, says “Yes, Master.”
He is released from The Urge’s grasp and heads towards the door, shuffling off dejectedly towards the laptop once again.